Dating someone avoidant personality disorder
As it is I’m glad he waited because now we have been together over 4 years and are sure, though we set the date for our 6-year anniversary.Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress and to, sadly, how they end.
An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.This model of attachment influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met.When there is a secure attachment pattern, a person is confident and self-possessed and is able to easily interact with others, meeting both their own and another’s needs.I suppose you can mount an argument that playing aloof is keeping him interested, but you’re missing the most important part of mirroring, as outlined in Why He Disappeared. So if he takes 5 days to call you back, you can get back to him in 5 days.And if he says I love you first, you say I love you back.The point is that making mistakes is part of living and no one lives an error-free existence. Yet somehow, Terri, your undaunted guy continues to send you friendly texts.
And, make no mistake about it: you botched this one by pulling the overly emotional girl act. Think about it for a second: what did you actually GAIN by cutting him off entirely? And somehow, despite your previous experience of being cold to an interested guy, you continue to be cold to him – cutting short the texts before they turn into conversation. This guy likes you and you’re doing everything in your power to stop him.
However, when there is an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern and a person picks a partner who fits with that maladaptive pattern, they will most likely be choosing someone who isn’t the ideal choice to make them happy.
For example, the person with a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment feels that in order to get close to someone and have your needs met, you need to be with your partner all the time and get reassurance.
Hi Evan, I just found your website and wish I’d read it YEARS ago… I get frustrated if I feel he’s not doing those things, and rather than make what is usually the classic girl mistake of calling/texting him all the time, I decide I’m about to get hurt and “freeze” him out.
My question is this: I take on board all of your “he’s just not that into you”reasoning, and also your comments on how to tell if a man is truly interested (calling, making plans, etc.) My problem, historically, is that if I really genuinely like a guy (which sadly does not happen that often,) I expect these things to happen right away.
But, because I didn’t hear from him for 5 days, I went super cool on him, defriended him from Facebook, etc…A few weeks on now, the red mist has cleared.